The Pirates traded nobody for nobody today, so who cares who they got? But amusement can be derived from the stat lines of those procured:

*P Zach Stewart was 0-2 with a 22.24 ERA for Boston last year. Should fit right in.

*1B Clint Robinson, 27, has had just four big-league at-bats: ALL OUTS. He's Mr. Blutarsky. Can't believe Kansas City gave up on him.

*P Vin Mazzaro, who allowed 14 earned runs in 2-1/3 innings while hurling for the Royals in 2011. One KC baseball writer called it "the worst pitching performance ever."

How can you not be optimistic?

I made fun of these acquisitions on Twitter, and got BERATED by the Pirate faithful. Go spend more money to watch your team choke and suck, morons.

The Pirates are bidding for free-agent C Russell Martin, reportedly offering $25m over three years. Martin hit just .211 for the New York Yankees last season, but slugged 21 homers and was a Gold Glove finalist. It's thought that Martin would stay with the Yankees for less, but the Yanks may be offering too much less: Just two years and not nearly as much cash.

It sounds ridiculous to offer $25m to a .211 hitter, especially one who hasn't topped .250 since 2008, but that's the Pirates' reality. The Pirates MUST OVERPAY.

Martin, 29, is a three-time All-Star. He caught 133 games last season, 125 games the season before. He'd be a good get.


Photo courtesy of Getty Images.